Monday, June 30, 2014

A Page Has Turned

I'll go where my heart leads me. 
(I love quotes about chapters and books)

Hey there!

   I wish more people would blog more often (even though, I don't blog on a regular basis). So yeah, if you blog, I want to read more :3 (A not so subtle hint for more blogging).

   Had plans last Saturday to go exercising (cycling/walking/jogging) for the whole day, but then my parents reminded me about my relatives coming to stay next week. So I spent the whole day (after a short lunch) housecleaning.

   Sorting out old books, knickknacks, organizing, rearranging things, wiping and vacuuming. I decided to take a short break, and ended up crashing for 3 hours. Woke up and started cleaning again. HAHA. But yeah, it was fun. I like organizing and cleaning, I'm just usually too lazy to do it, so I groan and mumble a lot about having to do it.

   At least my Mum can't say all I do on weekends is crafting, blogging, reading, going out with friends and disappearing out of the house anymore :P There's still a lot more to do, and I think my parents are planning to paint the house too. Any volunteers? Eh he he. #justkidding #butseriously

   Sunday wasn't an ordinary day. First off, I slept at 3 am the night before, so I didn't wake up till 10 am. Then I couldn't find my Chinese name necklace, panicked and searched for it for 20-30 minutes. Just when I'd given up and asked my Mum, she said it was in one of my drawers because she'd placed it there. My face: (-____-')

   My parents were still busy. I had to wait for Dad to finish up his work and get ready, so I cleaned up some stuff while waiting. Went to church and saw Meg with Grace, Andrew and Simon who were selling pies (chicken and beef, so yum).

   They started promoting and talking about how delicious the pie was, and said I'm thin (uhh, nope) , so the pie would fatten me up (I'd just decided to start a healthier diet :l Bye bye pies and chocolate cakes. I need to fit into my swimming suit *sniffs*) I said "Maybe next time lah.", laughed and dragged Meg off to the restaurant to find Esther and Cheryl (came out of church early).

   We ate, talked a lot about our week (Sports Day, Canteen Day, etc) and it was fun. It's been a while since we talked so much. It's funny how we (me, Meg, Esther, Cheryl, Joy, Jeans) are all from different schools. More stories to share, hehe. I couldn't finish my food (I think I've lost my appetite again) so Meg finished it for me.

   Joy and Jeans went to eat later, so we went off first. It was such a hot day, some of us felt really tired and sick. Someone suggested going to Meg's house, so that's what we did. Her dogs are so cute, but their noses tickle me. Met a guy there and Meg introduced all of us to him.

   He said there's a word for his name in English. Meg thought for a while and said "I know! It's..Rooster." I could tell she was up to something from her expression. There was a lot of mumbling, when suddenly Esther said "Wait..(says chinese word) isn't it Phoenix? Not Rooster?" Cheryl, Esther and Megan burst out laughing. They explained it to me, but I sort of figured out Megan was trolling him. HAHA. I couldn't help laughing at Rooster's face though.

   Meg, Cheryl and I started playing the piano (not at the same time). Started talking again about school, church and our lives. Someone said "Selfie time!" So we took photos :D



Then Joy came. I asked Cheryl where Jeans was, she said "Oh, she went for Rangers." Woaahhh (O_o) *inserts guilty expression* for skipping Rangers. *coughs*

Rooster asked if we (Joy and I) were sisters. I think we do look alike sometimes, but not enough to look like we're related D: Right? Rigghhhttt?

...And we took more selfies. HAHA #teensthesedays 
My fringe has the old Bieber flick again, ughh. It's too long :l 
We should have taken these photos facing the sunlight. 
*Facepalm* for not realizing sooner.

   We sat in our chairs and started talking again (okay, we never stop talking). This time, the conversation turned to non-Chinese and Chinese boyfriends (we're all Chinese here). Esther, Megan and Joy said they prefer Chinese guys. Cheryl and I said "Whaatt? We live in a multiracial country!" The debating commenced. Meg suddenly said "3-2! Hah! Chinese boyfriends win!" (something like that) Cheryl and I said "Eh eh! What about Aijean?" Then "Woooaahhhh, yeah ah." 

   Cheryl said "So what if you go overseas? Cari (Find) a Chinese guy there is it?" and we burst out laughing. I said "More selections for us!" She said "Yes yes!" Then we did some weird double high fives while laughing really hard. Meg said "Oh yeah ah..Ang mo!" And we started laughing again. We're not being racist or anything, it's just that most people we know generally prefer dating people of their own race. Most, not everyone. 

    Esther and Joy followed me home, to rest and get ready for the GMA celebration dinner. Esther told me Joy knocked on Ryan's door and sang "Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?" while I was bathing, didn't hear a reply and went into the room we were in (me in bathroom) to see Ryan staring at her. HAHA oh gosh, I was wondering what the noise was about. 

   



Esther was terrorizing my teddy bear and bunny. HAHA. 
I took hours to put on eyeliner because liquid liner takes so long to dry.
Our dresses/skirts look decidedly floral. 


Once we were all ready, we hopped into the car and went off to the restaurant :)
The food was good. Quite delicious. The first course was kinda nutty though. Still scrumptious.
Then there was the photo-taking and everyone giving speeches on the journey to getting our GMAs and future leadership.



It was a good night :) 
Dad took Esther and Joy home. I was so sleepy, I half-snoozed in the car.
Came home, took a shower and slept.

School today was okay. 
Highlights:
  • Fell asleep right in front of my BM teacher, she didn't even try to wake me (and Fad) up :O
  • Recess was over really fast. Only 15 minutes. Urgh.
  • It was a really short day, time flew by so fast.


I'm too lazy to elaborate, so there you go! :D


Thursday, June 26, 2014

A New Perspective On Life

Some friendships are worth fighting for.

Hey there! :)

Warning: This is going to be a long post. As always. Brace yourself.



Hari Koperasi (Canteen Day):

   Today. Was. Fun. *inserts happy dance* Three words to sum up one of the best and most relaxing school days I've ever had. Not to say that it was fun all the time, but it was fun MOST of the time, if that makes any sense :) A lot of my friends/classmates were involved with selling stuff/doing something (well, except for those who didn't come..*sideways glance at Mee En*) So it was just me and Dapple, mostly. She was stuck with me :P #yeahilovemetoo

   There was something going on before recess; about technic vocational week? Something? Ehh..wasn't paying attention. I sat at the assembly area with Dapple. We just talked about our week and what happened in school. Then we were asked to clear the area so the stalls could be set up, and we went to the canteen. Sat there, talking a lot about nothing in particular till the stalls were open :D

   Wandered around, eyes dilating from looking at all the food and drinks being sold. I bought a cup of sweet corn and munched on it. Then bought a sausage and a nugget (which I didn't finish..), and root beer float. The only other thing I ate was lekor..which tasted yummy but I couldn't finish it either.

   Saw Yee, Way Jie and their gang wandering around; had to shout "Oii, you!" at them a couple of times before they noticed me. Yee kept pretending to eat my food (grossssss), so I chased him off with the paper I was fanning myself with.

   Dapple wanted to check out the Tamil society club's station, so we made our way there. The people there are friendly. Probably because we know most of them, but still, friendly. Vemlan, Karthik and Khanesh greeted us and started promoting the photobooth. RM 3 for 5 photos. Then we said it was just the two of us, and it would be awkward. And somehow they ended up, joining us :P

   Karthik threw a Hawaiian lei on me. He put a cap on himself afterwards. Vemlan grabbed a pair of sunglasses and wore it. (Oh, this didn't happen till later, LOL) Khanesh and Dapple were just like "Umm, yeah we're cool." HAHA.
From left: Me, Vemlan, Khanesh, Dapple, Karthik
1) My school uniform makes me look fat -.- On the bright side, the lei looks colorful!
2) Karthik is SO tall, I feel myself shrinking every time I stand near him.
3) I wish people would stop asking me why I'm the only non-Indian person here. #OneMalaysiaOkay :D
4) My fringe looks weird. I look weird. 
5) The person calling everyone a happy bunny looks like one herself ;D
6) Didn't realize that two of the guys had mustaches till I saw this pic. 
(It happens with almost every guy I know -_-)
7) Daps and I should have worn our PJ clothes :l
8) Just realized.. I have no idea what we're pointing at :P 
(psst..Karthik and Dapple. HAHA. Just kidding, no one is dating anyone here #foreveraloneallofus)
(That moment when you realize all the guys who used to be shorter than you/your height are now towering over you -.-) 
Does anyone else notice that the left side is just smiling normally while the right is grinning away? (Show off your pearly whites, HAHA)

This is a SELFIEEEE. *coughs from screeching too loudly* 
Poor Khanesh and I got our glasses fogged up :'(

After that, Dapple and I left and went to explore other stations/stalls, and played a few games and ate more food. It was really hot this morning (as it is, these days) so we sat down for a while and chatted. Then the guys joined us, so we took more photos with Vemlan's phone.

Err..what was I trying to do? LOL


Blanked out my face, because I looked high. Hehe. 
(Have I mentioned how weird my fringe was today? -_-) 

Chinese society were selling Polaroid photos. Dapple and I decided to buy two pieces :)
The Polaroid I have with the tiny CD with photos in it!


One of the nicest parts of school. 

Left piece is mine, right piece is Dapple's! 

   Also took a selfie with Mei King. And a group selfie with Seh Qi, Faiz and Farhan. But I don't have them photos. Wanted to take photos with Jihah, Nab and etc, but they disappeared and we didn't cross paths :l Made plans to do it next timeeee. *blows a kiss* 

   Dapple and I hung out in the class next to ours (our class was locked) with Seh Qi's gang, Faiz, Farhan and their gang. Izzati (?) came by, and we asked her to unlock our class. Then we (Faiz, Farhan, Dapple, Izzati and I) hung out in our own class, and talked about driving lessons, people who can't speak Chinese (points finger at myself), languages and how some of us ended up in our school. Like from a different state or area. Interesting stories :3 I didn't have much to contribute because I was born and raised here (where I live now). HAHA. 

   Teacher asked us to leave the class because a group of guys were smoking (not allowed) cigarettes in our block. So we closed up the class and left. Went home and here I am now! :D

Having A New Perspective
   In my last post, I mentioned being offended because someone called me a pessimistic person. Then I realized, it was (in a way) true. I never noticed because my negativity is usually accompanied by a healthy dose of insanity, which fooled me into believing I'm optimistic. Eh. *pokes myself with durians*

   The awful thing about me is that I take small issues more personally than big issues. (Probably because it irritates me more - I don't mind injuring my leg, but I get annoyed at mosquito bites) 

An example would be me, not getting slightly mad in the least (as a matter of fact, I was grinning about it) about having to do an embarrassing punishment for not doing my homework in front of my classmates; then blowing my top off about feeling ignored by my friends. Like..what the brain. Can you focus on the real issues, please? I don't know why my sense of logic is...irrational in a rational way. Eh. *blinks in confusion* Nevermind.  
  
    This past week (so far) has been pretty great. Besides injuring my knees and walking like an old lady for two days. And debating with someone, hehe. Next time someone has an issue with me, let me know, so I can at least try to resolve it. 

   Don't just secretly despise me for something I don't even know I was doing and expect me to notice on my own :l You ought to know I'm oblivious to people's feelings by now. (I'm a blurcase. I'm dense. I'm obtuse.)

   But yay, I'm being more optimistic these days. (it's still early) And trying (didn't say I'm not failing) to be more sociable and get to know other people. I don't know how to describe it, but for a long time I had this weird ache in my chest (heartache? I think..maybe) that made me irritable, angry and downright moody/beachy because I couldn't get rid of that feeling. 

   Then I realized that my attitude towards the situation and my inability to cope with my problems, were the source of my discontentment and heartache. #andyesittookmealongtimetorealizeit. Why do I enjoy going to school so much, when many groan at the thought of it? 'Cause I actually look forward to it. Even though sometimes it can be awful; being punished by teachers, homework, schoolwork, boredom mostly. But I still enjoy it because of the good times I have, friendly people in my class and funny conversations. 

   See the difference? I looked on the bright side :O (Mind-blowing revelation) While in church, I expected the worst.. subconsciously I did. HAHA. #nooffensetoyouguysokay. Why? Because I have no duties or obligations like everyone else (should be a good thing, right? -.-), everyone else is doing their own thing and I was bored. To death. My fault for leaving church, but I had to deal with my issues then (Heartbreak.*throws rotten fruits at said person*). And I have to deal with the consequences from my absence now. 

   Things can change if I believe they can. And if I (maybe) try to change them instead of expecting them to change on its own. Wow. I'm going to be so sickeningly optimistic, people will want to throw knives at me. And I'd probably want to stab myself.

"People: Eugh, it looks like it's going to rain. 

Me: Oh really? *does happy rain dance* My eyeliner is gonna be running down my cheeks. I can go around scaring little kids. *grinning maniacally*

People: *Stares at me in disbelief* Umm... *quietly slips phone out of pocket to dial a mental hospital*"

Anyway, that's my conclusion for that topic :)

   I had this not-so-crazy-yet-not-so-common idea to write handwritten letters and mail it to my friends. I've always wanted to do that, but I never have.. because

1) everyone seems to only notice virtual mail and text messages these days

2) They might think I'm nuts for paying for stamps when I can send a message for free

3) They might not even check their letterbox! -__- #peoplethesedays #includingmecauseidontdoiteitherbutmydaddoes

Why? 

1) It's special and unexpected. I mean, who would expect handwritten letters these days? (Repeating myself, LOL)

2) They hold so much more sentimental value than a text message saying "Oi you" (I still keep every letter/note I've ever gotten for my birthday/Christmas in a box somewhere)

3) It's so much more personal. (Has anyone read/watched The Notebook? I bawled my eyes out reading it)

Which reminds me, last year I didn't give any of my friends presents or letters even though I made plans too (heck, even drew up a list of things to get/do) because.. I don't know why. I just didn't :( I'm a crappy friend. Well, I have this year to make amends. (Have I mentioned how glad I am that most of you are born in the later part of the year? #moretimetodostuff)

Till next time!



P.S. Sometimes I forget you can be a nice person. Thanks for reminding me. HAHA. 

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Nuggets, Pencil and A Letter To You

Facts do not cease to exist because they're ignored.

Hey there! :)

Just let me wear my eyeliner and be emo, okay? -___- 

I swear, the next person who comments on my panda eyes will have coconuts thrown at him.

That's So Random:
   Anyone else having the same problem of only one recent blog post showing up on dashboard and not being able to load the others? -__-

TUMBLR QUOTES: 




I love you Tumblr *kisses computer screen*

   I must introduce you to Renoirs on Tumblr. It's a tumblr blog full of relatable and hilarious quotes, and I LOVE IT. It makes me laugh like crazy and feel happy. (Not a sponsored post, LOL) Also, I've been watching a lot of Superwoman videos lately! And I'm a huge fan now (especially after watching her Draw My Life video) . I watched one video, a long time ago and forgot about it. Dapple kept mentioning her, so I thought "why not?" and had a video marathon (which I had to cut short because I realized I forgot to exercise and finish a book)

   I really want shorter hair these days. Why? Because it's such a bother to braid it each morning while sweat is running down my face (You're welcomed :P for that visual image you just had) and mostly because it's SO unhealthy now. It's really dry from all the dyeing I did :l and I have split ends. Gahh. But I look weird with shorter hair, even though I like it. And I'd miss styling it. But it's so easy, just tie it into a ponytail and yay, no sweat and tears, trying to keep it neat. Have to think this over first though :l It's a nuisance when the weather is hot.

Make Your Own Pencil: 
   Someone called me a pessimist today (not exactly, he just described one). I mean, psshhh..do you not know me? -.- 4 years of being friends. FOUR. And you think that of me? HAHA, okay, I know he was kidding. But still..ouch. My feelings.

   Canteen Day is coming soon! I'm so excited, I'm practically jumping up and down in my mind. My class is having a stall, but I won't be helping out as much, cause I want to check out the other stalls. The weather was hazy and hot today, I kept folding my arms and resting my head on them. Encik Zaki told the class I was sleeping, but I wasn't. Just closing my eyes and mumbling "It's so hot" under my breath to Fad.

   Jihah, Laily and Nab were making funny jokes about something (In Chem lab), and I was doing my "sleeping on desk" thing, with Jihah's arm around me (no lesbo :P) and Iman or Alif commented on it, saying "Dating ah?" I was too lazy to respond. Jihah said "Yes, you jealous ke?" Come on guys, that's perfectly normal in friendships. After Chemistry class, I stayed back in the lab for a while with Dapple and Mee En (Should I call you Angeline or CME in my blog?) because they wanted to ask teacher some questions about the equations.

   Went out of the lab, and ran into Edward (who is super tall) from SPBT daerah club (am I wrong or confused?). Dapple and I chatted with him for a while. He said he knows me from CF, because I don't attend, HAHA. Apparently, I'm notorious for not attending. *facepalm*

   Mini rant: A.S. wouldn't let me borrow his phone to call my dad (teacher let us leave early today), even though he borrowed it to Mee En -__- Just to annoy me. Dude, I've borrowed my pen, pencil, ruler, textbook and heaven knows what else, and you can't lend your phone to me for one phone call? 

   Iman offered to give me some coins to use the payphone, but then A.S. changed his mind and handed his phone to me. Urgghh.. thank God for nice guys like Iman (you are da bomb) -.- and as for A.S., you...urgh. Next time you ask me for a pencil, I'll tell you to chop down a tree and make one yourself. People do something nice for you, appreciate it lah. Just one small favor and it's a problem to you *Rant over*

Shoutout to Yee for the Pringles :D and a headsmack to Way Jie for calling me "Oi". 

The Nugget That Changed My Life:
   (Post about Monday/yesterday) So Dapple, MS and Mee En left me alone yesterday. I didn't read my messages till I was ready for school, so I had to go to school because I was already awake. School was actually pretty fun. Went for recess with Jihah and Nab, they introduced me to chicken nuggets (first kicap chicken, now this? You guys..*wipes tear from eye* are amazing) which changed my life. I mean seriously, the taste was..*drools* I'm going to eat it again someday.

   We went to the  toilet (forgot my manners, sorry)  washroom. Pavithra suddenly appeared, and cue the not-awkward-at-all hi's and conversation about old classmates and teasing Jihah about her boyfriends (past and present :P). Went back to class lateeeee. Vemlan walked back with me (Jihah and Nab saw a car window..and immediately went to check their tudungs..headscarf?, LOL you guys..) and I forgot what we were talking about, but yeah. I don't talk to him much these days. He kept mentioning marriage, I said "Erm dude, still young lah." HAHA.

Knocked on the class door, entered and got pinched by the BM teacher for being late. It was kinda funny though, the expressions on everyone's (who was late) faces when we got pinched. I had to do another punishment for forgetting to do the last part of my homework, with Mohana. The guys who didn't do their homework had to do pumping.

   ICT class, teacher asked where MS, Mee En and Dapple was...I wasn't really sure, so I didn't say anything. I got really high and had to hide my face from smiling too much; just because the teacher accidentally said something funny. Internet connection in the lab was really slow that day. We were learning about databases..and we actually have to create one. Say what?! Teacher Olin said it would be harder than programming. *sigh* Still excited though.

    After ICT, started walking to the gate. I looked at the side of block C (building) and saw a sign that said "gas room". It made me laugh, don't ask me why. HAHA. hey, it's funny okay :3 Vemlan suddenly appeared next to me, and I thought of Harry Potter for some reason. (Invisibility cloak) We talked until we reached the gate, then we said bye to each other twice, LOL. It's really weird, not wanting to throw things at him like I used to. Can't believe we're civilized human beings now. *Snorts*

A Letter To You (You'd know who you are)
This letter isn't meant to be offensive in any way or hurt anyone's feelings. You can be insulted if you want, but there's really no reason to be. I wrote this, just so you'd know.

Also, it's not meant to be a rant. Or to be dramatic (somehow it is -.-) It's a letter of defeat, of acceptance.

I repeat, NOT OFFENSIVE (ironically, after those two words: No offense, usually comes offensive stuff. Gosh, shut up, me. I'm making this worse..wait...shut up ME? shut ME up or...? Nevermind) 


Dear You,

   Let me start off by saying this: We've know each other for years now. And I believe you deserve to know the truth, because I consider you a friend (although sometimes I doubt you do the same. It's okay, I don't expect everyone to like me).

   I want to thank you (no sarcasm, I'm completely serious. Don't be offended.) for writing about how you feel about me, or I would have been oblivious about it otherwise. The truth hurts, but it doesn't kill. Lies may please, but doesn't heal.

   This sounds weird, but I knew you would write that (mind reader *pumps fist in air*), I suspected you would, and you did. My first reaction when reading it: Upset (it was insulting to me, so obviously I would be insulted, I ain't a saint)..

   Then some insane part of me had rush of endorphins to my brain which made me think "So what if I find it insulting? This is hilarious!" And was high and happy for the whole night. After I sobered down, I felt hurt.

   About the fact you concluded it was me (although it partly is, I was far too sensitive about it) who was the problem, not the situation itself. How I feel now? Resigned. I've accepted the situation as it is, and I give up on trying to change myself, because I can't. I know you don't mind it, but I do. I probably shouldn't have let you know.

    Honestly, if I hadn't missed you guys, if I didn't give a damn about you or our friendship, I would have walked away a long time ago without looking back. It's only a part of me who still cares that decided that you guys were worth fighting for, worth staying for and worth suffering through awkward (in my mind) social interactions.

   Maybe the logical part of me was right. Maybe it isn't worth it. But I don't want to stop trying because you're still my friends. It's time I start making sacrifices (not humans, not animals or inanimate objects..or even fruits. Maybe fruits, cause them yummy) for you.

   Despite my arrogant, I-don't-care, demeanour, I'm still insecure and I do care. I still see my flaws and accepted that I can never be the social, outspoken person who is well-liked by everyone. I don't have that in me.

   You think that I never try to change or make an effort to make new friends. I do, it's just much harder with people I'm not comfortable with. It doesn't come to me naturally, after all those years of isolating myself from people. I don't think highly enough of myself to assume everyone wants to be friends with me, but I do wish they would. I'll admit to that.

   If you don't want to listen to me rant or complain, it's fine. You're not obligated to listen or care about it. I just wanted someone to talk to about it. The reason why I tell you things, isn't to influence you to think the way I do; it's because I want someone to know and understand what I'm going through. (I think that's the part which you misunderstood)

   I don't want to be secretly pissed off and hold grudges. It makes me bitter and resentful. And I know, because that's what I used to do.

    What I mean to say is, it's okay to feel frustrated and annoyed with me for voicing out my feelings. I know I can be brutally/blatantly honest (almost all the time. I do see my faults). And I promise I won't complain/rant or tell you how I feel about things anymore, because it only seems to upset you. (I'll have rant warnings on my blog, so you can skip them)

   You have my word, sworn on River Styx. The oath can't get any solemner that that. Please don't get upset if you feel like I'm not telling you things, and keeping secrets from you. I'm doing this, because I know how you feel about it and I think it's better this way. For all of us. This is how things are meant to be.

   When I feel uncomfortable or left out, I'll keep quiet. I swear, you won't hear a peep from me. I'll act like everything's okay and I'm fine with it. If you wish for it to be that way, then I will try my best to do so, even if it isn't easy for me. (Once again, this is not meant to be offensive)

   I really don't care anymore. *waves white flag in air* I'm tired of arguing/debating and feeling like I don't deserve to have the people in my life, because I seem to take them for granted. I concede defeat. Give up my outspoken ways. (why does this sound dramatic? -_- I hate myself)
 
   Don't take things the wrong way. Sometimes, when I say things, it's just my observation and perception of the situation. I'm not trying to insult anyone or make you feel annoyed. I don't get why you're upset about it, when i'm not trying to provoke or insult anyone. I'm just saying it. But I can understand how you misinterpreted the situation, because you don't know the whole story. And I can't tell you about it either because it's not my secret to share.

   It took me a while to come to the realization that I do have friends. I do have people who are there for me. To go crazy with and tell stupid stories to. And I forget to appreciate them. Someday, I'm going to go around and give hugs to random friends/people and say "Thank you for staying in my life." When I have the guts to do so *sheepish face*. Whispers "Group huggggs.." 

   I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass. (did I just..wow.. *slaps self* for cursing) I'm sorry I was too insensitive/obtuse to realize you felt that way. I think I need time to adjust to how things have changed. I know I am far too dependent on you because I hate being in church alone. I'll sit alone in service next week for a change. Or at least try to, cause I might chicken out at the last second *hits head repeatedly on the desk* Feel free to tell me to go pick some berries and just deal with it. Lord knows, I should.

   This letter is getting far too long, so here's my closure: This is the last time I'm bringing this up to you (Might still discuss it with someone else though) After this, you won't be hearing about it anymore, unless you ask. And even then, I would probably lie, just to spare your feelings :P (You can thank me later..just kidding) I'm only human #christinaperri, don't expect me to be perfect :l

Sincerely,
Me.

P.S. It's quite obvious to me that you do dislike me (you're not exactly hiding it). Don't deny it, it's insulting to my intelligence (not that I have much of it) but don't worry, I won't bother you/will keep my distance if you do :)



P.S. Excuse the weird title, I've just only realized now what it sounds like! *sigh*

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Second Liebster Award :)

I don't miss you. I miss the memories of the person you used to be.

Hey there! :)

(I updated my blog two days ago..and now THIS? I'm writing too much -.- erm, typing)

A not-so-short update before proceeding to the main objective of this post:
  • Mum is cooking tonight. Assam fish, vegetables (I loveeee), tofu with chicken in black soy sauce and goodness knows what else. *Drools* 
  • I went to school today to do ICT assignments and actually had fun! :D We (Dapple, MS and I) took selfies in school, right in front of the teacher.
Shameless? Maybe :P
Mee En went home earlier :l Aww. 
 On their phones.

My failed attempt at a sad face and Dap's awkward grin :P

My eyebags are huge in the morning :l 
Megat, poor chap hovering in the background. HAHA.
That photo reminded me of this :3

Sitting at the teacher's desk! 
(She was sitting at the table across this desk while we were taking the photos)
Sm:)e 
  • During the programming assignment, everyone experienced the same problem due to wrong spelling of "length" or forgetting to edit the Title box. So I went around after I finished my assignment, pointing out mistakes (everyone likes to be corrected..not) and teaching some how to save the program.
  • Planned to go to Coffee Ink with Esther and Aijean. We ended up going to Aeon (again) but still it was fun. We bought drinks at Chatime. I bought cocoa with oreos, which was yummy, but I couldn't finish it. Aijean's drink tasted like Teh Tarik, Esther's was coffee-like. Mostly walked around chatting and talking about school (we go to different schools) and life in general :) 
  • Esther went back earlier, so I walked around with Jeans (still talking a lot..someone should glue my mouth shut next time, LOL) and bought a new eyeliner! I don't even need a new one, my eyeliner stash is huge already -__- But I swatched it on my hand, and it was love at first swatch. I think I'm going to start wearing eyeliner again #pandacoonyay. This is the first really waterproof one I have though.
Wanted to buy the bevel tip one (you know, like a highlighter?) cause the tester was freaking amazing, but they didn't have any in box -___- 
(bad lighting, sorry)
I bought two phone pluggies and a pair of skull earrings #demonchildjustkidding from Diva.
Each was RM 3 :) 
Aijean's sister fetched me home, yayy thankies :3 Or I would have stayed there forever. HAHA.
  • Some photos from the adventure I had with Esther :) What did we do? Clue: The Hobbit.



Mumble:

   I got (not serious..I hope) death threats because of the impromptu Whatsapp fast I had :l (Five days is a pretty long time) Ermm...sorry? #nocure. Probably won't do it again for a while. But honestly, this past week was one of the most productive weeks I've ever had. HAHA. I napped, exercised, did schoolwork, played the piano and read books, and felt contented, and maybe even happy.

    I did miss chatting with some people (who brings laughter and light into my life, lol cheesssyyy) but still, I enjoyed being alone too. Not lonely, alone. To be alone is a state of being, to be lonely is a state of mind :) 

   I get so annoyed and frustrated when people are online but they take hours to reply to my messages. I rather have you tell me not to message you, than to take five hours to reply to me. I'm annoying, I'm well aware of that, but at least I'm entertaining :P *snorts* (I'm kidding, really) and well, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone #simpleplanlyrics

   I know I reply slow sometimes (okay, usually!), but that's because I'm busy and most definitely not online. After that long fast, I don't give a damn anymore. I've decided it isn't worth it, to get pissed off at people for silly matters. 

   And yes, if I'm close to you, I'll point out that you haven't replied to my messages and make a fuss about it. Example: "Why you no reply? *sad face* guess you don't want to talk to me anymore. Goodbye forever *wipes tear from eye and jumps off chair*" (They know I'm kidding, HAHA) But if I'm not, I'll just reply like this: "Yeah. Oh okay. No, never mind. No prob. Lol." and make it completely obvious that I really don't feel like talking to you after you've ignored me the whole day. 

   Indirect honesty, is my best policy. I'm not going to fake happiness and go crazy with you when I'm really annoyed with you. But I'll definitely lie (not exactly) or tell you half-truths like "I'm tired", "Not in the mood to talk" or "Busy (avoiding you)" My bad moods doesn't last long though, thank fruits. Underneath all the layers of despicableness, I'm actually quite likeable. And unbearably arrogant.

   Another matter which bothers me. How do you expect someone to participate in a conversation when the person has nothing relevant to contribute to the conversation? Simple. You DON'T. What is the person (okay, me. And some other people) supposed to say, if she/he has nothing to say at all? -__- 

   The said person usually just sits there in stony silence, scowling at everyone (almost, everyone) and desperately wishing to be elsewhere. It feels uncomfortable, and makes me have lovely daydreams of throwing knives at everyone.

   I get that you're not expected to include everyone in the conversation, but I'm not expected to like it either. Don't blame me if I much rather eat with people I can actually converse with, and enjoy myself without feeling excluded or out of the loop :) 

   And really, you'd have much more fun if I wasn't there, frowning and being exceedingly grumpy. (You know that's true) It's like when your friend runs into someone she hasn't seen in a long time, and talks to that person non-stop, while you're just standing there awkwardly, wishing you could just run away. 

   Don't point out I'm being anti-social and too quiet, or my scorching glower would make you burst in flames. Or I might actually stab you with a pitchfork (if I had one). Next time, you think about asking me that, stop to consider why I'm being that way. Or don't. I don't really care.


Enough ranting for now! :)
Ranting is a part of me, which you can never ever take away from me. NOO. (My version of Part of Me by Katy Perry)
And on to my main objective of this post after all this nonsense. 

My Second Liebster Award!
I was nominated by The Bitch's Life (thank you so so much! :D *virtual hug* unless you don't like physical contact, then just a formal handshake/salute :P) for this second award. Check out her blog for entertaining posts! :)

(Yeap, recycled this from the first award post: Liebster Award. Save the Virtual Earth!)

 I'm just going to answer the eleven questions (or not), because all the facts I can think of writing is...
  1. I complain a lot. About things that shouldn't matter. And sound HAPPY doing it.
  2. I constantly think of food.
  3. I take a lot of selfies with my homies these days.
  4. I love eyeliner. To death.
  5. I threaten to jump off chairs and tables, but I don't actually do it.
  6. I love cats. And tiny kittens are adorable!
  7. I reply to messages extremely slowly and still get annoyed when people do the same.
  8. Give me chocolate, and I'll love you forever. 
  9. I'm extremely arrogant (heck, even admit to it) but I have low self-esteem. (...Is this even possible?)
  10. I'm glad to have a bunch of amazing people who are easy to talk to in my life, even though it's hard for me to make new friends due to my ambivert (sort of) personality. 
  11. I enjoy being thought of as badass/intimidating, and still get upset about people being too afraid to approach me -__-
Eleven Questions To Answer:

1. Q: What question do you hate to be asked?
A: Why are you so quiet? -.- (Cause I got nufin' to say)

2. Q: What was your favorite conversation (with your crush!!) about?
A: Erm, I don't really have a crush at the moment. Or at least, I don't think I do. I hate liking a guy, because it makes me feel vulnerable -__- But umm... there's a really funny conversation I had with someone about swinging from trees (I think) HAHA. And another about my insistence on calling people silly weird nicknames related to inanimate objects. Honestly, just drunk, random, crazy topics :P

3. Q: What have you wanted to do for ages, but never done? When do you think you'll be able to do it? 
A: A roadtrip, then a long vacation at the beach along the way! After my (important) finals are over, I really want to do this :) 

4. Q: Who do you miss most at the moment?
A: I miss my friends. All of them. Every single one of them. And umm, someone I used to know. HAHA. But he isn't the same person he used to be anymore, so... :l 

5. Q: Do you believe in horoscopes? Why/Why not? Do you read it?
A: No, because I believe that we choose our own paths in life, and shape our lives by the decisions we make. (Hazel Levesque: "I'm not choosing one of your paths. I'm making my own." to Hecate in House of Hades) Yeah, I read it because some parts can be surprisingly spot on and interesting, but I don't live by it :)

6. Q: Favorite quote? (Is the any hidden meaning behind it?)
A: This is a tough one. I would say "You must forge your own path for it to mean anything." - Rick Riordan. It reminds me that even though I feel like my life is constantly being defined by other people; ultimately I have to make my own decisions and choices in life, and I choose what to make out of my life, not them. 

7. Q: Favorite song?
A: I don't have a constant favorite song, but this year's favorites (the recent ones) would be Never Say Never by The Fray or/and Let Me Go by Avril Lavigne ft. Chad Kroeger


8. Q: Which superpower do you want most?
A: Ermmm...Invisibility or ability to read minds. I want both equally :P

9. Q: What is the favorite hairstyle you ever had?
A: Not sure if you mean haircuts or braids/buns/etc (O_o) Umm, I liked my hair at shoulder-length (fuss-free) and I like the way my hair is now..Long, sort-of straight with slight layers :D And I really liked my hair wavy.



10. Q: Favorite computer game?
A: Counterstrike: Condition Zero (CSCZ reminds me of the old days of sneaking to the cybercafe..), GTA IV, COD: MW2. But I haven't played them for a long time, because studieeessss. URGH. 

11. Q: Do you think you'll be very different when you're older? What will have changed by then?
A: Yes I do, maybe slightly different? because it's the way of life. No one remains the same forever and sometimes, things happen, which changes our thinking, our perception and our entire outlook of life. And when that happens, the person in question changes as well. It would be a gradual change, but a change nonetheless. I would say: My personality, my perception of life and my character :) 

My Eleven Questions:
1. What are you most interested in? (Hobbies, etc)
2. When you find yourself in an embarrassing situation, do you laugh it off or get upset about it?
3. Are you an introvert, extrovert or ambivert?
4. Type of person you're attracted to.
5. What do you believe in? (e.g. Good luck charms, God, Destiny)
6. What videos do you usually watch on Youtube? Or favorite tv shows?
7. Funniest conversation (IRL or text messaging) you ever had?
8. What do you do when you feel alone?
9. Can you go at least an entire day without social interaction?
10. Ebooks or books or you don't read at all? :P
11. What do you think of school/work? 

And my nominees are whoever is reading it! :D Don't have to do it if you don't want to. But I would love it if you could. 

Till next time! Cause I'm dead tired. 










Thursday, June 19, 2014

Three Days Posts: School

Three days post! :D (Skipped Tuesday, because I was napping..And Friday because it's still Thurs)

Thursday (19 June 2014)
Status: In a relatively good mood.. Extremely sleepy.
Quote:
I'm being optimistic! :3

   How was school today? Well, I arrived at exactly 7.30 a.m. (which was apparently "late") and had to write a karangan about why studies are important to students before they let me go back to class. (Erm, isn't that obvious enough already?!) I was pissed off. How is it my fault that I'm supposedly late for school when I rely on my parents for transportation? -___-

   There was a fire drill, 20 minutes before recess. We (Mee En, Dapple, MS, me) didn't even realize it was a fire drill. HAHA. Didn't hear the bell ringing from the ICT lab and our teacher was taking her own sweet time to leave, so we didn't know what was going on..Urgh, the horrors of sitting at the back of the class.

   We rushed to the field, feeling extremely embarrassed and really wanted to laughed. Later on, teacher commented on how long it took us (whole school) to get to the field...13 minutes! (which means we took about 20 mins..we were the last to arrive) and said if there was a real fire, we'd all be doomed. Honestly, if it was a real fire, do you really think we'd walk slowly or fastly? We'll RUN like crazy and push everyone else out of the way. The rude students lah. HAHA. The polite ones (like me, lol I jokes) will be like "Oh no, you go first!" and waste time arguing about who should go first. The normal students will be walking fast, glancing around and thinking "I'm stuck in a school with lunatics. Got fire, also act like that. What the carrots." I doubt they'd say "WTC?" but everything else, definitely.

   The weather has been so hot these days. I feel like a bun in the oven (see what I did there?), baking for eternity. That's why I've been napping a lot. Finally passed up my Add Maths project *pats self on the back* after binding it. I received 9 compliments (some indirect) on my hair today. The funniest one was when I was in the bookshop, one girl (who was also late today) commented in BM, "Now I know why she's late." Her friend asked her why, she said "Sebab dia guna banyak masa untuk toncang rambut dia" (She used a lot of time to braid her hair). I looked at Dapple, she looked at me and we started laughing. It doesn't take me a long time to braid my hair, so it's funny when people assume it does.

    Sasitharan and his friends yelled compliments at the back of my head (so I supposed they were talking to my hair, not me) until I started laughing and walked away really fast. Pavithra and her friends, Aqmal, Azlina and some other people, either said I was crazy for spending so much time braiding my hair or said I was "damn pro at it". I'm crazy, no doubt about that.

   Spent most of Maths and Add Maths, writing, then snoozing, then writing... You get my point. Thought I'd had to be alone today, because Fad didn't come to school (now I know how Jihah felt for all those years...), but Aqmal, then Syukrie, then Faiz teman-ed me. I'm touched. HAHA, just kidding, but seriously.

   I'm honestly glad that my class is friendly, and mixes around with everyone. Or I would be forever alone, with friends (if that's possible). MS has a scar (from stitches) on her leg. She injured it during dancing (?) a couple months ago. Aqmal said Faiz gave it to her, Daps and me said "Whatttt?" Then he said something about vampire's love bite. I laughed really hard, and said "I thought vampires bite necks, not knees?' Aqmal said Faiz is a special type of vampire, who prefers biting knees. "WHAT THE HECK?!" was my exclamation before collapsing with laughter.

    I'm going to school on Saturday. Yeah, whhyyyyyy?
 This may be my favorite gif.
Can't skip it, because my ICT class is spending the whole day, finishing up on assignments until 12.30 p.m. It's going to be a loooonnggggg day. 

   I'm looking for new blogs to read (Thank you Google) :l I'm a nosy person, so it thrills me to read about people's life experiences, even if it's completely normal. I feel restless and..not exactly bored, but I feel like I have nothing to do. Which is crazy, because I have a list of things I have to do and haven't done yet and which I plan to do as soon as I have the mood for it.
 
Wednesday (18 June 2014)
Status: Feeling almost normal today. Only I feel like there's a weight on my chest (Add maths, I'm looking at you and blaming you for this) Just kidding. It's probably my cat, HAHA.
Quote:
I'm tired of feeling like I've lost a part of myself. 
So now, I'm going back to find it. 

   I had fun in school today. Went a little crazy with Dapple, Mee En and Man Shuen, laughed and poked fun at each other. Fitri commented on my split ends (the horror), I put on an injured expression and I asked her "Why you so mean to me?" *wipes tear from eye* Everyone (Nab, Jihah, Laily, Fitri) started laughing at my expression. Oucchh. Mee En asked me how I know how to spell my Chinese name, I told her I had a secret weapon (LOL, you know who you are) and I kinda already knew what it looks like from taking Chinese classes.  

   Then we started talking about Chinese names and how it's pronounced and written. She said MS' name is really hard to write and wrote it for me, so I asked her what the Chinese pronunciation was like, she said "Same like how you normally pronounce it lah." I said "Whaaatt? WHAATTT? But the spelling so difficult!" Then we started laughing. 

   Thought I'd be spending recess time with Dapple, ended up being surrounded by a group of people from all sorts of classes. Mee En and MS were sitting behind us, with another girl. I sat in a group with Dapple and two more girls from Moral class, and we talked about exams and stuff. They started talking about World Cup, and I just spaced off because I don't like watching sports. HAHA. Serious. Mei King came by and we started talking about movies, because I saw her at the cinema a few weeks ago. Planning to hang out someday :D (And who said I don't socialize? Oh wait, I did. LOL) 

    Bro said there's something wrong with me because I keep playing depressing songs on the piano. It's not depressing, it's touching and emotional. (Keep telling myself that, HAHA) I wanted to exercise yesterday, before starting on my folio. But I fell asleep on the couch, slept for 3 hours. Woke up and had to start on the blasted folio :/ 

   I've done most of the written work, I just need to do questions now. And look, at this:


We were actually required to do this. 
Most of my friends made the "I Love Additional Mathematics" sign.

   Oh the lies we tell. I'm just kidding, don't take me seriously. 

   Dapple says I'm an Ocean for starting an impromptu Whatsapp fast -___- I haven't been online since Sunday at precisely 6.30 pm. Feeling proud of myself for my self-control and dedication to napping doing schoolwork (Yeah. I can't believe it either). And also a little guilty, because I didn't inform anyone I wouldn't be replying to messages. Five days, 2 and (most of a day) down, two more to go.

   Actually enjoy going to school, I just hate waking up so early. Oh well :)

Monday (16 June 2014)
Status: Ignored, annoyed, irritated, rejected and hurt...also happy and exhilarated at the same time.
Quote: 
- You don't want me in your life, I get it.
- But feelings can't be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.

"What's wrong?"
"Tell me how you feel?"
image
"Whaattt..?"

Rant:
1. I'm sick of feeling like I'll never fit in anywhere. 
2. I'm tired of being left out of things all the time and feeling ignored because no one ever thinks of including me in things. 
3. I'm terrified of having an emotional breakdown someday soon. 
I'm worried about how tempting it is to die.
4. No matter how much I try to be socially acceptable, I just can't. It might be arrogant to say it's because I'm different, but it's true. Then again, everyone's different. 
5. I wish I could go back to the way I was last year, when I just didn't give a damn about anyone. I was happier that way.
6. I feel angry because it seems like my "friends" don't give a damn about me at all.
7. I can feel my walls building up again, and my heart hardening. It's happening all over again. I anticipate the numbness and the longing to hurt myself just so I can feel something again.
8. I tell people how I feel, but no one cares. 
9. You apologize, but then you do exactly what you said you'd never do again.
10. I want to curse and swear so badly, but I know I'd hate myself even more if I do.
11. I've turn off my phone because I want to be alone and not have anyone trying to cheer me up, because it hurts so much more when they just disappoint me again. 
You probably have other people to talk to, so why should you care? 
12. You'll never hurt me the way they did? HAHAHAHA, guess what? You already have.
13. I need a hug. 
14. I miss someone. When one of the rare people who I can to talk to and ask advice from is thousands of miles away and we've drifted apart -__- life sucks.
15. A part of me actually cares about my studies. And worries, constantly about it.
16. I feel like a beaaaccchhhh for pushing people away when I feel hurt and being cold to someone. But I can't help it, because I know it'll hurt more if I let them get closer to me.
I'm sorry I bother you with my friendship.

17. I want to walk away and never look back. But I'm afraid I'll regret it, like I did before.
18. I wonder if I still care about him, even when I know I don't. It's just hard to remember that sometimes.
19. Please, just stop lying to me. STOP.
20. Why can't we stop fighting? :l We're supposed to be friends, but we seem to irritate the hell out of each other. 


You know what? Just go pick some berries. In the Underworld. With Cerberus. And maybe take a dip in the River Lethe. Oh wait, you don't have to, you've forgotten all about me on your own already, anyway.



This.


Obviously, I can be very bitter. 


Why I'm happy and exhilarated/ just plain normal?
1. It's a relief to be back at school, and see all those familiar faces again. I missed you idiots and fruits. Also a great distraction from thinking about donut-holes.
2. I finished four essays in three hours yesterday even while feeling so bitter and resentful.
3. My friends, are hilarious. And I've missed them.
4. Tumblr quotes and stories can be so hilarious and relatable. It just makes me smile.
5. Learning Almost Lover (A Fine Frenzy) on the piano and it's surprisingly easy. 
6. Slap Me Why Don't You? has hilarious stories about online shopping. 
7. Rereading books.
8. Listening to music. 
9. Ryan Higa gifs...ROFL.
10. English teacher allowed those who've already passed up their essay books to do whatever they like. So I took an awesome nap :3
11. I know I'm not the only one who deals with all the problems I face. Makes me feel less alone.
12. Someone's sense of humor and sarcasm cracks me up. And for a while, the pain dissipates. 
13. I have four kittens (kinda, sorta newborn..?) and they are adorable :3
14. I'm finding happiness in the littlest things.. Like someone being thoughtful enough to not eat my snacks.
15. Laughed at the random things which happened in school today..Like 2 crazy friends making a Mentos fly across the classroom and going "eermmmaagggosshhh, I'm so, so, SO SORRY. (because that Mentos was mine) I love you guys
16. Relatives visiting on 6 July, and I can't wait for the trip to the beach :D
17. Teacher said I'm alim (religious) when I told her I couldn't make it to the computer assignments class because of church camp. It was funny when she said it was a good thing.
18. I might be arrogant, but at least I admit to it :P

Till next time!

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